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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

American Voices: Researchers: Panda Faked Pregnancy To Get More Bamboo After discovering the marsupial wasn't actually pregnant as believed, researchers at the Chengu Giant Panda Breeding Research Center in China said that giant panda Ai Hin faked being pregnant in order to receive more bamboo, extra fruit treats, and a nice
The Onion | 3 hours, 12 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Magazine: The Genius Behind TinyURL Explains How He Gets The Links So Small The Genius Behind TinyURL Explains How He Gets The Links So Small
The Onion | 3 hours, 39 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Vikings Intrigued By Matt Cassels Ability To Get The Fuck Out Of Adrian Petersons Way MANKATO, MN—Saying his dedication in the film room and on the practice field is beginning to yield dividends, members of the Minnesota Vikings coaching staff told reporters Thursday that they have been very intrigued by starting quarterback Matt Cas
The Onion | 22 hours, 24 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Hello Kitty Actually A British Schoolgirl Fans of “Hello Kitty” were shocked after the curator for a new retrospective exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum revealed that the feline cartoon character, who has the face of a cat, is actually a third-grade British schoolgirl n
The Onion | 22 hours, 34 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: A Look At The Class Of 2018 Next week, millions of freshmen will begin classes at colleges around the nation. Here’s a by-the-numbers look at the incoming class of 2018
The Onion | 23 hours, 14 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Statshot: How Are We Raising Awareness For Our Charity? How Are We Raising Awareness For Our Charity?
The Onion | 23 hours, 19 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Secretary Of Interior Says Knocking Down Rocky Mountains Could Really Open Nation Up WASHINGTON—Saying the renovation project will give the country a more modern look, U.S. Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell told reporters Friday that knocking down the Rocky Mountains could really open up the nation.
The Onion | 23 hours, 24 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Koch Brothers Encouraging Youth To Make Voices Heard By Registering Super PAC WICHITA, KS—Saying that perspectives of young Americans are rarely represented in today’s political discourse, Koch Industries executives Charles and David Koch released a public statement Thursday encouraging the nation’s youth to make
The Onion | 23 hours, 34 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
New Rec Room Has Everything A Teen Could Want, Reports Church Youth Pastor FINDLAY, OH—Saying the space would offer a laid-back atmosphere and a variety of fun activities for young people, 31-year-old local youth pastor Marc Kindler told reporters Thursday the new rec room at Grace United Church of Christ has everything a
The Onion | Aug 28, 2014 6:00 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
[video] Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend The sandwich chain says it is 'deeply sorry' if customers mistakenly believed that eating an entire foot of food could somehow be considered healthy.
The Onion | Aug 28, 2014 5:16 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend