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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

American Voices: Comic-Con Holding First Ever Transgender Panel As part of an effort to raise awareness of transgender issues, San Diego Comic-Con will hold a panel called “Breaking Barriers,” which will be the event’s first panel to consist solely of participants who identify as transgender.
The Onion | 8 hours, 13 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Nations Gratuitously Sexual Couples Announce Plans To Wait In Line At Six Flags WASHINGTON—Interrupting various stages of excessive public intimacy to address the general population, the nation’s gratuitously sexual couples announced plans Thursday to wait in line at Six Flags amusement parks across the country. A represe
The Onion | 9 hours, 43 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Comic-Con Opens With Traditional Superhero Flyover Comic-Con Opens With Traditional Superhero Flyover
The Onion | 10 hours, 43 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Obama To Cut Costs By Packing Lunch Every Day For U.S. Populace WASHINGTON—Calling it a sensible way to help Americans put aside a little extra money, President Barack Obama announced Thursday his intention to reduce costs by packing a weekday lunch for all 318 million United States residents.
The Onion | 10 hours, 58 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Statshot: Least Motivational Self-Help Books Least Motivational Self-Help Books
The Onion | 11 hours, 43 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Rape Investigation Finds Star College Quarterback Has Got The Goods ROANOKE, VA—Following a full investigation into allegations of sexual assault at an on-campus dormitory, the Roanoke County Police Department announced Thursday that a star Virginia Methodist University football player accused of rape has definitely
The Onion | 12 hours, 28 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesnt Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough DALLAS—According to the results of a study published Thursday by the American Heart Association, most heart attack victims do not freeze up and grab at their chests with sufficient measures of theatrics when suffering a cardiac arrest.
The Onion | 12 hours, 43 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
[video] Comic-Con Exclusive: Michael Bay Gives Fans Sneak Peek At Ninja Turtles Hyper-Realistic CGI Genitals The super-producer was at Comic-Con this week to show off new clips of the pulse-pounding, penis-heavy Turtle action.
The Onion | 13 hours, 28 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Israels, Hamas Disregard For Palestinian Life Aligning Nicely WASHINGTON—Admiring their mutual indifference toward Gazan civilians and families during the ongoing conflict, sources confirmed Thursday that global political leaders, observers on the ground, and the international community at large agreed that Is
The Onion | 14 hours, 13 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Couples Battling For Trendy 12/13/14 Wedding Date In the latest instance of couples clamoring for a trendy wedding date, a new poll by David’s Bridal has revealed that more than 20,000 couples are competing to get married on 12/13/14, leading many venues to raise prices due to demand.
The Onion | 14 hours, 43 minutes ago | comment? | recommend