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Articles from The Onion

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Sports News in Brief: Some Of This Is Probably Water, Man In Stadium Bathroom Hopes CLEVELANDGingerly stepping around several of the largest wet patches on the floor, local Indians fan Mark Freel reportedly assured himself Tuesday that at least some of the liquid covering the ground of the mens bathroom at Progressive Field was most like
The Onion | 2 hours, 4 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Horoscope: Your Horoscopes Week Of July 28, 2015 Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | 3 hours, 17 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Commentary: Id Like To See The Government Try And Take Away My Trash It seems like Big Government is always finding more ways to stick its nose into everybodys business. At this very moment, theyre probably working on all kinds of new ways to trample upon the God-given rights of freedom-loving Americans like you and me. I
The Onion | 3 hours, 44 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: JFK International Airport Plans $48 Million Animal Facility Set to open in 2016, a new 178,000-square-foot terminal at JFK International Airport will be designed to kennel and quarantine pets, birds, and livestock, complete with swimming pools, flat-screen TVs, and full-time medical services. What do you think?
The Onion | 3 hours, 47 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: The Life And Works Of Dr. Seuss A 50-year-old manuscript by the late Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, is being released this week, captivating nostalgic readers who grew up on seven decades of childrens books from the prolific author. Here are some highlights from Dr. Seuss li
The Onion | 4 hours, 12 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Boy Scouts To Lift Ban On Gay Leaders To combat declining membership and amend relationships with donors, the Boy Scouts of America will begin accepting openly gay adults in leader positions, though the organization says religiously affiliated troops may continue selecting heterosexual leader
The Onion | 21 hours, 19 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: Airbnb Vs. Hotels Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | 22 hours, 2 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: GOP Candidates Offered Cash Voucher To Give Up Spot And Participate In Later Election WASHINGTONNoting that the field of presidential hopefuls currently exceeded maximum capacity, the Republican National Committee announced Monday it was offering a cash voucher to any GOP candidates willing to give up their spot in the 2016 race and run ag
The Onion | 22 hours, 15 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Sports News: Tour De France Won By Rowdy, Tattooed Biker From Harley Davidson Team PARISIn what many are calling the single most dominant performance in the 112-year history of the event, the 2015 Tour de France was won Sunday by Jason Scab Vickerson of the Harley Davidson Team.Sources confirmed that the 300-pound, tattoo-covered Scab,
The Onion | 23 hours, 4 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Honest Wedding Website Admits There Jack Shit For Guests To Do While In Town LAURENS, IAAcknowledging the lack of any remotely interesting or entertaining attractions in the surrounding area, the wedding website for couple Adam Jessup and Rachel McHenry explicitly states that there is absolutely jack shit for guests to do while th
The Onion | Jul 27, 2015 4:56 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend