User Name:


remember me

Forgot your password?

Not a member?

Join Now

Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

American Voices: World Could Face 2016 Coffee Shortage Due to a combination of rising demand for the beverage among developed countries and the negative impact drought has had on growing coffee beans in Brazil, experts warn that a global coffee shortage is a distinct possibility heading into 2016. What do you
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 7:44 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Report: Increase In Gun Sales To Be Most Concrete Result Of Obamas Pro-Gun-Control Speech WASHINGTONResearchers at the Urban Institute published a study Friday confirming that a sharp increase in gun sales nationwide would be the most concrete result of the impassioned pro-gun-control speech that President Obama delivered following yesterdays
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 6:08 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Man Cant Believe Obama Would Use Tragedy To Push Anti-Tragedy Agenda SEDALIA, MOFollowing yesterdays speech by the president addressing the recent events in Roseburg, OR, local 42-year-old Tim Moss expressed his outrage to reporters that President Obama was attempting to capitalize off a tragedy to push his anti-tragedy ag
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 5:57 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Baltimore Preparing For Hurricane Joaquin By Adding Second Layer Of Plywood To Shuttered Small Businesses BALTIMOREWarning that the storm could batter the East Coast with 80-mile-per-hour winds and heavy rain, Baltimore officials confirmed Friday that residents were preparing for Hurricane Joaquin by adding a second layer of plywood to the citys shuttered sma
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 5:40 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Onion Studios: Super Hurricane Said to Be Even More Powerful Than Bogdan, Worlds Strongest Man Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 5:07 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: National Weather Service: Dont Go Surfing Unless You Can Really Shred That Shit SILVER SPRING, MDWarning that Hurricane Joaquin was expected to produce powerful winds, violent swells, and dangerous rip currents, the National Weather Service strongly advised Americans today not to go surfing unless they could really shred that shit. A
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 2:41 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News in Photos: Man Sleeps Through His Stop On Elevator Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 1:43 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Sports News in Brief: Roger Goodell Unveils Plans For NFL Game In Earths Core NEW YORKSaying that it is the perfect way to further increase the sports popularity, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced Monday that the league will soon begin holding a regular-season game deep within the Earths inner core. This game represents an o
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 1:42 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Photo Finish: Doctor Performing Surgery On Cowboys Player Frustrated By Jerry Jones Hovering Over Him Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 1:41 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Bernie Sanders Fundraising On Pace With Clintons Though Hillary Clintons campaign has set fundraising records, new data shows that Bernie Sanders is narrowing the gap between them, with his $26 million in the third quarter nearly matching her $28 million, a success rate attributable in part to accelerat
The Onion | Oct 2, 2015 1:40 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend