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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

Crowd Outside White House Hoping To Catch Glimpse Of President Naked WASHINGTON—Clamoring to get an unobstructed view across the South Lawn, a large crowd reportedly gathered outside the White House Friday hoping to catch a brief glimpse of President Obama naked.
The Onion | 15 hours, 57 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
TLC Producer Wants List Of 100 Fucked-Up Families On Desk By End Of Day SILVER SPRING, MD—Saying that he didn’t “give two shits” if they had to knock on the door of every trailer and halfway house in the country, TLC producer and programming director Mark Livingston reportedly told his staffers Friday
The Onion | 16 hours, 24 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: Tips For Throwing The Perfect Halloween Party Americans around the nation are buying costumes, stocking up on candy, renting scary movies, and decorating their homes for spooky Halloween parties.
The Onion | 16 hours, 49 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Parents Upset After Elementary Schools Cancel Halloween Parents of children who attend two elementary schools in Connecticut are angry after officials canceled all Halloween activities out of concerns that they exclude kids who don’t celebrate the holiday.
The Onion | 16 hours, 59 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
NYC Officials Assure Public Most Puddles Of Bodily Fluid On Streets Not Contaminated With Ebola NEW YORK—Hoping to downplay fears of a potential Ebola outbreak in New York City, health officials assured residents Friday that most puddles of bodily fluid found on the streets are not contaminated with the deadly Ebola virus.
The Onion | 17 hours, 11 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Area Man Pretty Loud At Guitar Area Man Pretty Loud At Guitar
The Onion | 17 hours, 33 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Boston Cruise Line Introduces New Whale Ramming Tour BOSTON—Offering what they describe as an “unforgettable” opportunity to get “up close and personal” with the region’s marine life, sources confirmed this week that Boston-based cruise line Harbor Excursions has begun op
The Onion | 17 hours, 54 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Sportsgraphic: Fantasy Football Week 8: Start Em, Sit Em Onion Sports has expert analysis on which players to keep and which players to drop from your fantasy football starting lineup this week: Start ’Em Golden Tate (WR): Tate was incredibly productive in his last game, making him t...
The Onion | 18 hours, 24 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Wedding DJ Could Have Anyone Here Wedding DJ Could Have Anyone Here
The Onion | 18 hours, 44 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Dogs Catch White House Fence Jumper A White House fence jumper was apprehended by two Secret Service K-9 agents yesterday before he was able to reach the White House, the second intrusion onto the property since last month.
The Onion | 20 hours, 47 minutes ago | comment? | recommend