User Name:

Password:

remember me

Forgot your password?

Not a member?

Join Now

Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

Younger Cousins Growth Spurt Throws Off Competitive Balance At Familys Thanksgiving Touch Football Game ALEXANDRIA, MN—Admitting their disbelief at how tall and strong the 13-year-old has gotten since last year, members of the local Gunderson family confirmed Thursday that younger cousin Will Gunderson’s growth spurt has completely thrown off th
The Onion | 5 hours ago | comment? | recommend
Weird Wooden Chair Pressed Into Service For Thanksgiving Weird Wooden Chair Pressed Into Service For Thanksgiving
The Onion | 6 hours ago | comment? | recommend
Families Of Bears Players Ask To Have Faces Blurred Out During Thanksgiving Promos Families Of Bears Players Ask To Have Faces Blurred Out During Thanksgiving Promos
The Onion | 7 hours ago | comment? | recommend
Thanksgiving Affords Nation Rare Opportunity To Eat Large Amounts Of Food While Watching Football WASHINGTON—Noting that the nation’s long wait is now at an end, sources confirmed Thursday that the Thanksgiving holiday will grant millions of Americans the rare chance to eat incredibly large amounts of food while watching football games.
The Onion | 8 hours ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: NYC Restaurant Offering $35,000 Thanksgiving Dinner The Old Homestead Steakhouse in New York City’s Meatpacking District is offering a nine-course, $35,000 Thanksgiving dinner that includes edible 24-karat gold flakes and pigeon stuffed with foie gras.
The Onion | 8 hours, 44 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Statshot: Top Thanksgiving Side Dishes Top Thanksgiving Side Dishes
The Onion | Nov 26, 2014 4:21 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Man At Airport Pissed That Other People Had Same Idea To Go Home For Thanksgiving NEW YORK—Sighing and cursing under his breath upon seeing the long, winding security lines and packed concourses throughout LaGuardia Airport, 28-year-old Thomas Metcalfe was reportedly pissed off Wednesday after realizing that other people had the
The Onion | Nov 26, 2014 4:00 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Everyone In Family Compliments Grandmother On How Small And Feeble Shes Gotten WHEATON, IL—Uttering surprised exclamations and smiling in amazement at her wrinkled, wizened frame shortly after she arrived for the Thanksgiving holiday, every member of the Hostig family complimented their grandmother, Judith Hostig, on how small
The Onion | Nov 26, 2014 3:00 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
NFL To Crack Down On Players For Excessive Thanksgiving Celebrations NFL To Crack Down On Players For Excessive Thanksgiving Celebrations
The Onion | Nov 25, 2014 11:18 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Budweiser Retiring Clydesdale Ads In Grab For Millennials As part of an effort to market more effectively to young millennial consumers, Budweiser has reportedly opted to remove its famous Clydesdale horses from holiday advertising.
The Onion | Nov 25, 2014 11:17 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend