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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

Photo Finish: Odell Beckham Jr. Ejected For 7-Week-Late Hit On Josh Norman Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | 9 hours, 31 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Mom Holds Knife To Throat Of Dinner Guest Who Offered To Help With Dishes TOLLAND, CTResponding with lightning-quick reflexes to her dinner guests proposal, area mother Linda McGregor reportedly grabbed a 10-inch chefs knife Thursday night and held it up to the throat of family friend Diane Wallace following her offer to help w
The Onion | 18 hours, 46 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Article: NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levis Stadium Field Before Super Bowl SANTA CLARA, CAFollowing persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Lev
The Onion | 18 hours, 58 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Tale Of How Woman Started Making Earrings Out Of Scrabble Tiles Even More Spellbinding Than Anticipated SANTA CRUZ, CAHis pulse still racing following the conclusion of the five-minute anecdote, local man Luke Weaver, 30, told reporters Friday that listening to a fellow partygoers story about how she started making earrings out of Scrabble tiles was even mo
The Onion | 19 hours ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Christie Describes ISIS As Grave, Towering, Meaty Threat To U.S. While Staring At Diner Patrons Corned Beef Sandwich DURHAM, NHDelivering an impassioned statement Friday during a campaign stop at Lous Diner, Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie reportedly described the jihadist militant group ISIS as a grave, towering, meaty threat to the United States while
The Onion | 19 hours, 54 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Sports News in Brief: Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority MURRAY, KYAdamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panther
The Onion | 19 hours, 55 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: What You Need To Know About The Zika Virus Here are answers to common questions about the Zika virus, which the World Health Organization recently declared an international public health emergency: Q: What is the Zika virus?A: The subject of your mothers next phone call to you.Q: How is the Zika v
The Onion | 20 hours, 1 minute ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Microsoft Testing Underwater Data Centers Microsofts Project Natick will soon begin building massive data centers underwater, which will potentially allow for faster internet across major coastal cities and prevent the systems from overheating. What do you think?
The Onion | 20 hours, 7 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Donald Trump Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize Among those nominated for the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize, Donald Trump has made the list beside Pope Francis, the Afghan womens cycling team, and others due to a nomination letter written by an unknown supporter who praised Trumps vigorous peace through stren
The Onion | 20 hours, 12 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Monocle-Wearing Oil Barons Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders Environmental Platform GREENWICH, CTLeaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harrimans ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing pre
The Onion | Feb 5, 2016 02:10 AM [GMT] | comment? | recommend