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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

Biden Co-Presents Best New Starlet Award With Shyla Stylez At 2015 AVN Adult Movie Awards Show LAS VEGAS—After winking and giving a thumbs-up to several female attendees seated in the front row as he crossed the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino stage, Vice President Joe Biden presented the trophy for Best New Starlet alongside pornographic actress
The Onion | Jan 25, 2015 03:00 AM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Study: Dog Movies Spur Adoption For Up To 10 Years A study has found that popular dog movies can boost adoption of featured breeds for up to 10 years after their release, though in previous cases, many families have quickly returned dogs they were not prepared to own.
The Onion | Jan 23, 2015 8:21 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
New NCAA Regulations Prohibit Student-Athletes From Studying More Than 30 Hours Per Week INDIANAPOLIS—Hailing the importance of maintaining a proper balance between education and sports, the NCAA announced new regulations Friday prohibiting student-athletes from dedicating more than 30 hours each week to studying.
The Onion | Jan 23, 2015 6:16 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Opinion: I Dont Vaccinate My Child Because Its My Right To Decide What Eliminated Diseases Come Roaring Back Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | Jan 23, 2015 5:42 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Study Links Negative Tweets To More Heart Disease According to a new study, tweets that convey negative emotions such as hate, hostility, or boredom correlate to higher rates of heart disease-related deaths in the surrounding community.
The Onion | Jan 23, 2015 4:48 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Medical Breakthrough Provides Elderly Woman With 2 Extra Years Of Inconveniencing Family MUNCIE, IN—Saying that the experimental procedure was a complete success, doctors at Muncie’s Ball Memorial Hospital confirmed Friday that a recent medical breakthrough has provided 89-year-old Anna Goldman with an additional two years of inco
The Onion | Jan 23, 2015 4:34 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Chinese Officials Vow To Fix Nations Crumbling Reeducation System BEIJING—Acknowledging that its current programs are insufficient to meet the needs of a fast-paced, 21st-century population, the Chinese Ministry of Justice held a press conference Friday affirming its commitment to fixing the nation’s crumbli
The Onion | Jan 23, 2015 4:17 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Infographic: The Onions Guide To Gym Etiquette Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.
The Onion | Jan 22, 2015 8:48 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Cake Shop Accused Of Religious Discrimination For Refusing To Write Anti-Gay Slur On Bible Cake A bakery in Arizona is facing a religious discrimination complaint after refusing to comply with a customer’s order to decorate a cake shaped like a Bible with the words “God hates gays” and an image of two men holding hands with an ...
The Onion | Jan 22, 2015 8:22 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
Diphtheria Excited About Possibility Of New Outbreak LOS ANGELES—Following a flare-up of measles in California and reports of new cases across several western states this week, the disease diphtheria told reporters Thursday that it was excited about the possibility of a new outbreak in America.
The Onion | Jan 22, 2015 7:58 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend