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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

News: Scott Walker Watches Candidates Emerge Shaken From GOPs Female Experience Simulator WASHINGTONWaiting in line and nervously watching as, one by one, his fellow presidential candidates took their turn inside the machine, Gov. Scott Walker told reporters Thursday that the GOP Female Experience Simulator had so far left every contender for
The Onion | 2 hours, 35 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Video: Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation How close has the nuclear-armed world come to a descending into outright global catastrophe? The Onion explains nuclear proliferation.
The Onion | 5 hours, 25 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: A Look At The Class Of 2019 This years incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2019, with the majority of students born in the year 1997. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:Most were only 12 years old when 2009 happened64
The Onion | 6 hours, 30 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: ISIS Operatives Destroy Hofner Bass Guitar Signed By Paul McCartney AL-BUKAMAL, SYRIACalling it another heinous act designed to shock the conscience, international experts confirmed Thursday that members of the Islamic terrorist group ISIS recently destroyed a Hofner bass guitar signed by music legend Paul McCartney. It i
The Onion | 6 hours, 54 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Photos: Hubble Telescope Discovers Giant Amelia Earhart Statue On Distant Planet Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | 7 hours, 20 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Drug-Resistant Super Lice On The Rise A new strain of lice immune to over-the-counter treatments has many parents worried as they send their children back to school this week, with 25 states nationwide reporting the presence of the super lice so far. What do you think?
The Onion | 7 hours, 23 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Quantum Political Scientists Hypothesize Country Headed In Both Right And Wrong Directions Simultaneously PASADENA, CAUpending the conventionally held assumption that the United States must exclusively be moving along a single good or bad path forward, quantum political scientists at the California Institute of Technology published a paper Thursday hypothesiz
The Onion | 23 hours, 12 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Burger King Proposes Teaming With McDonalds To Sell McWhopper Burger King launched an ad campaign this week inviting McDonalds to join forces with them for a single day and sell the McWhopper, a combination of each of their bestselling hamburgers, to drive awareness of the Peace One Day nonprofit, though McDonalds h
The Onion | Aug 26, 2015 7:55 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News in Brief: Report: Limbo Competition Nations Last Example Of Pure Meritocracy PRINCETON, NJSaying that no system as equitable or impartial could be found within the realms of government, business, or academia, a study released Wednesday by Princeton Universitys Department of Sociology found that limbo competitions are the nations l
The Onion | Aug 26, 2015 3:52 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend
News: Lindsey Graham Struggling To Stay Awake While Driving Empty Campaign Bus Overnight To Next Event FLORENCE, KYFeeling his eyelids grow heavier as he continued along a pitch-black stretch of I-75 South, Republican presidential candidate Lindsey Graham struggled to stay awake while driving his completely empty campaign bus overnight to his next event, s
The Onion | Aug 26, 2015 2:06 PM [GMT] | comment? | recommend