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Articles from The Onion

RSS feedDisplaying articles 1 - 10 of most recent articles

Infographic: NFL Week Seven Winners And Losers Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the seventh week of the NFL season: Winners Matt Ryan: “Matty Ice” was calm and collected while leading the Falcons to another blowout loss New York Jets: Planning ...
The Onion | 1 hour, 46 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Nurse Being Treated For Ebola Impressed With Health Workers New Gear DALLAS—Admiring the personal protective equipment shielding her caregivers from the deadly virus, a nurse receiving treatment for Ebola told reporters Monday that she was very impressed with the medical workers’ newly issued biohazard gear.
The Onion | 2 hours, 2 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Disillusioned Hollywood Sign Moves Back To Small Iowa Farm Town Disillusioned Hollywood Sign Moves Back To Small Iowa Farm Town
The Onion | 3 hours, 1 minute ago | comment? | recommend
Man Now Too Exhausted To Repress Both Anger And Sadness SAVANNAH, GA—Admitting he no longer had the energy to keep his negative emotions completely in check, local man James Franklin told reporters Monday that he was now too exhausted to repress both his anger and sadness.
The Onion | 3 hours, 10 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest SPRINGFIELD, IL—Wreaking untold environmental and economic devastation throughout the region, a strain of harvest-resistant corn engineered by the agrochemical company Monsanto is now engulfing most of the Midwest, officials confirmed Monday.
The Onion | 4 hours, 29 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
After Careful Thought, Teen Applies To College Where Family Donated Building CORAL GABLES, FL—Saying that she had given the decision considerable thought, local high school senior Katie Simmons told reporters Monday that she would be applying to Bristol College, a school where her family had donated funds for a new 50,000-sq
The Onion | 5 hours, 58 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Infographic: Tracking Ebola In The U.S. With eight confirmed cases of the highly fatal Ebola virus in the U.S. and revelations that health care workers potentially exposed to it have traveled on passenger flights and cruise ships, fears that the disease will spread across the country have grown
The Onion | 6 hours, 24 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
American Voices: Company Turns Loved Ones Remains Into Memorial Diamonds A Swiss company called Algordanza uses an extreme heating and pressure process to turn a loved one’s cremated remains into synthetic “memorial diamonds” that can be made into jewelry.
The Onion | 6 hours, 25 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Slideshow: The Week In Pictures Week Of October 20, 2014 The Week In Pictures Week Of October 20, 2014
The Onion | 6 hours, 28 minutes ago | comment? | recommend
Editorial Cartoon: Vampire Diaries Read full story for latest details.
The Onion | 6 hours, 36 minutes ago | comment? | recommend